Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
