i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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