gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
