proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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