haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
