kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
We left the knife in your bed.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
