I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
