Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
