An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Randomize
