I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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