Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
