you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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