if you like me you must not know who I am
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
