You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Why can't burritos get me drunk
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
