It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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