$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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