Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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