needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
