Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
handjob tips. give me some.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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