please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
