she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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