found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
