my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Randomize
