I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
