saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
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