i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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