My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
