I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
