I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
