I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
