i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
