I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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