Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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