You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
