Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
