why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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