So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
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