I wish my penis had an off switch
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
