it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
