I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
