It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
