Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
