he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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