I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
