I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
