Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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