I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
