5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I smell like Dick and happiness
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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