I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
