i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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